To Let Go & Love

When I was a kid, I had the whole fantasy most girls do: falling blissfully, shamelessly, romantically in love with someone. At 26, the dream hasn't ceased and at one point, I was sure the dream was fulfilled.

If you've read this story before, forgive me, but it bears repeating. At 19, I befriended a guy who ran in the same social circles I did. I wrote him off at first, but soon we found ourselves interacting on a regular basis. Before long, we were showing up to the same events...and then we started making our own *exclusive* events. Our walls started to fall down, gradually. What followed after was 2 years of doing virtually everything together. From fishing and camping in Louisiana to racing to being each other's personal trainers to chilling at home, we were inseperable. We showed each other the best and worst parts of ourselves, and neither one of us judged. We supported each other. We loved each other, deeply.

When the relationship ended, I recovered in a large fraction of the time we spent together.

Some would ask why, if the love was so deep, we're not together now? Some would wonder why I reminisce on the past nearly 6 years later? My answers? Why we're not together is simple. We grew to want different things. I became a different, more mature woman. He grew into a different man entirely. Why do I reminisce? Because even if for a brief time (compared to an eternity) two people were able to be happy with each other. We had the courage, strength, and faith to just let go. I feel fortunate to have had that experience.

I know I'm not the same person I was back then, but one thing about me remains constant. I still want to fall in love and love someone, forever.

So what does that require? Is it the college degree you may or may not obtain? Do posh digs or a house on wheels determine your readiness? Do I find a Republican more worthy of my love than a Democrat? Does he absolutely have to be black?

...If you know me well, you know the answers to those questions is a definite no.

Falling in love follows a minimal formula. It takes people who are willing to bear themselves by sharing who they are. Get beyond the fluff, the charm, and the games. Just say, "This is who I am. This is what I love.". It's rather simple, and yet so hard for some of us to do. We're afraid of being vulnerable. We're terrified of being uncomfortable. And most of all, we're scared of being hurt. No one wants to put his or herself out there, blindly and with no assurance that we're going to get our desired result. But what's our alternative?

In reality, love doesn't happen in an instant. It's a road that has a starting point, and an end, with many detours and alternative roads. It begs for sacrifce and time. It gets easier with faith and more importantly, loving who you are and being honest with yourself. The more you love yourself, the less taxing it is to show that to someone else. And the payoff comes when the person looking at you appreciates you, good qualities and bad. When someone not only appreciates who you are, but who you will become, there's nothing left to do but enjoy life.

If you've read through all of this and think that you're ready for love, you're probably asking when it's gonna happen. Join the club. I don't think there's a single person on this planet who wants to find unity that's not asking the same question, including me. My answer? Be patient. Enjoy each day you're blessed with, even if that day is spent wishing someone were there to hold you. And keep your eyes peeled. You never know if the person sitting next to you in Sunday School class or on the bus is the love of your life.

Ground Zero of Blogging

So, it's been years since I made an online journal, and I intended to nix the habit. But here I am again, typing my life out for the amusement of complete strangers. I've never tired of expressing my opinions about what I find most fascinating: social issues and relationships; however, the attention span needed to get my views out has only just now come back.

My mind is spinning with things to write and can't settle on a concrete topic. For now, I'll just say welcome, and come back to find where my insight will lead me...and possibly you.