April 19, 2006

The Healing Power of Jody

It's amazing what you can learn in three days.
A good friend of mine served as a catalyst for new developments and helped me end a chapter of my life that was putting strain on me in ways I didn't realize. With his visit to Houston, a couple of dinners, charming conversation, and one roaring confession, I learned:
Some wounds are harder to heal than others, but with time, even the most painful ones can mend. That may seem a little obvious, but it is indeed true. I'm very fragile in some respects and break easily. Most of the time I can bounce back from an ordeal with zeal. However, the times that I've been deeply hurt (which are very few), it may take me a long while to recuperate. In this instance, it took me a year and one very emotional outburst to express the pain I felt. And when it was over, I let go of everything and finally forgave the person that damaged me.
People can always put the past behind them--if they choose to--and will surprise you every now and then. My parents are protective of me (naturally) and can be extremely unforgiving if I'm hurt. This weekend, I was shocked to see both of them give someone they knew had geatly upset me a chance. That move was an affirmation that nearly ANYTHING is possible.
I'm more tied to my religion than I thought. I'm not too preachy about my spiritual life and if you know about my beliefs, background, and history, you'll understand (If you don't know and are curious, ask me.). The offense I keep referring to revolved around a decision I made in late December of '04. At the time, I was petrified about the change I was making, simply because I was making it on my own and without the support of people I counted on my whole life. Being verbally attacked for my actions was the last thing I wanted or needed and in the end only fueled my ultimate choice. I was being told things that were brutal and untrue. A little over a year later in hindsight, I realize just how much a person's words can impact me...and that I really did have a testimony.
I'm strong...but I can always be stronger. I've said it before: I'll continue to change as long as I'm in this mortal existence. Without change, a person doesn't really live. If a person doesn't live for every moment, good and bad, strength will never come or increase. At the end of this weekend, I did something I never thought possible: I made myself vulnerable to a part of my past, confronted an issue that needed to be resolved, and can actually allow myself to be more open to others because of it. It hurt, but I think it made me a heck of a lot stronger...and definitely happier.